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Q: The wife
wants me to try out a Malay sex tool, which is the
"Bulu Mata Kambing". What
the hell is it?!
Mr. Kerbau
A:
Dear Mr. Kerbau,
I hope you haven’t rushed out to purchase a sheep-skin
rug. Otherwise I’m going to mail your wife my studded
paddle.
Bulu Mata Kambing or Ring Mata Kambing (RMK) is a ring
with furry or feathery bits that sends your wife to
seventh heaven. It’s a must-have for men who can’t get
anything right.
No, you don’t put it around your waist for crying out
loud; it’s a penile ring. As the name suggests, it looks
rather like a sheep’s eye.
You put it around your base prior to erection so that it
fits snugly. It is reusable, but you have to wash it
before and after using it. Store in cool places. It is
also recommended that you dip it in water or add a
little lubricant since most of them are made of
non-elastic materials that may be a tad uncomfortable
for you.
It’s only a matter of time before males are born with
this crucial yet missing accessory, or else a woman
scientist will start adding this base structure to
cloning experiments, together with other important bits
missing in males.
Contrary to popular belief, it is not a Malay sex tool.
RMK is said to have originated from the more sensitive
indigenous societies, whose many aims in life include
pleasing their womenfolk. In Southeast Asia, you can
find it in Borneo, Java and several east-bound
territories of Indonesia.
It is so popular that even fuddy-duddy Ford Foundation
threw in some dosh for a sociological study of penile
aids and accessories in West Timor, which of course
included the indispensable RMK.
It tickled the
Dutch so much that it sailed back to Europe together
with spices. You can now find RMK in some of the
sex-shops of Amsterdam.
Over time, it has made its way to our shores. Explorers
have chanced upon this relic in Kuala Lumpur’s Jalan
Masjid India or the treasure trove of Pudu Plaza.
But like many hot items, it disappears as quickly as you
can say ‘LIMITED’.
If ever you see one lying around, grab it since it may
not be there the next time. But if you find yourself
than its okay. Stock it up, she'll ask to do it again
and again, this is a gratis wisdom you made for intimate
relation.
Grab it Now While Stock
Available!
Ring of fur fun
However, allow me to proceed a
little beyond this ring of fur fun. I can’t help but
sense there is much that is not spoken and someone’s not
too pleased these days. My guess is – it ain’t you. So
darling, read between the lines because the following
facts are right in front of you.
- You call yourself ‘Kerbau’,
but all wife wants is a ‘Kambing’.
- In your love nest, you
imagine yourself to be fully in charge, but she
thinks you’re just a ringed pet in the 'kandang'
(pen).
- You think you’re such a
roaring stud but the wife clamours for a furry,
cuddly and submissive lamb under the sheets.
- You assume you have a
natural talent to hump and hrummph in the name of
Eros, but the woman prefers you to be a bleating
collared animal in the house of Venus.
So Mr Kerbau, I shan’t waste
time bull-s***ing you. Like all men, you are not a
terror in bed… just terrible.
Don’t ask how; just obey your woman and the stable will
emanate with joy.
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